The Steep Conical Hill Women Face In Science

Today’s blog is for all those who doubt women in math and science: main point, we (women) have to be twice as good to get half as far, and women of color, in particular, have it bad, and beautiful women also have it bad. I’m going to make some humorous remarks about boobs and bras and how to mathematically diagram bras and boobs so if readers find those remarks are offensive, don’t read on. I make them to make a point: which is that women are often objectified and viewed as pieces of “meat” rather than as equals. Which we are or should be, given we are 50% of the population, but only 8% of senior scientists published in the journal Nature (note this article is about Canada, I assume it’s worse in the United States). 

My expertise is game theory, which can be applied to many serious things, including quantum computing. But game theory methods from one of my favorite think tanks, RAND, uses advanced calculus and many game theorists also use physics. So, did you know that game theory including calculus and mathematical physics can be applied to boobs and bras? Bras were originally invented by a man in the 1950s to give women’s breasts a “canonical” or “conical” shape (for laypersons a shape that’s curved but somewhat resembles a 3D triangle and were worn by that’s right Marilyn Monroe, who was an underrated genius), and the man who developed bras (when it didn’t occur to women) did so to make women more appealing as sex objects, though of course women in the 1850s in the UK wore corsets and many other unappealing items if they were members of the upper crust, and let’s just say there’s a reason no one wears those fashion items anymore because they are incredibly uncomfortable.  

So yes, that’s right, game theory has applications to fashion, and I will demonstrate it mathematically now. This proof was devised entirely by me with no help from AI, and I never use AI for any of my scholarship, including math and physics except to help me double check my work. So here goes, to make an equation for a bra, which is now in the shape of a half circle, the equation in polar coordinates, since I am too snobby to do Cartesian coordinates where r is the radius of the boob or bra:


Does this look familiar to anyone? It should because it’s the same equation for a harmonic oscillator, or similar, which is why women surely go back and forth. It's our boobs, right? This is my own equation I didn’t look up, but here’s a source in case anyone doubts me because I have, that’s right, boobs. I’ll provide the physics version for physicists who dislike math notation. This equation is slightly more sophisticated and allows the boobs or bras to have slightly different sizes for each breast, which is consistent with reality.  Here goes:








This is my own, but here’s a source with a dumbed down version, which is similar but doesn’t have my “adjustments.”

So next time you see a woman in science don’t write her off. Women may have boobs, but we should be seen for our brains. Please remember Hedy Lamar was a movie star, and famous for her beauty, but she also invented sonar, and history erased her achievements because she was so good looking. And remember all girls and women in science deserve a chance.


-Cortelyou C. Kenney, 5:37 pm PT (this was written in about 15 minutes because I know my math cold). 

 

 

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